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If you have a problem, don't hesitate to contact us through the link on the homepage, and Cliff our resident agony uncle will endeavour to aid you in your perpetual quest for post-modern eudaemonia.

This week, Mavis Sprott from Cardiff has a problem...
"Dear Cliff, I have a spaniel lodged in my flange. I was spazzed out on mong juice at the time, and didn't realise - what should I do?"

Cliff replies:
"Spazzing out is a dangerous thing to do at the best of times, and especially when it is on mong juice and a spaniel is in the vicinity of your exposed flange. It's quite a common condition - you should try to coax it out with some Winalot dog treats or a string of sausages, that usually works. Alternatively, try my essential book, 'Living with a Bespanieled Flange', 20 from Mitten Books. Remember kids, stay off mong juice!"

Please note - Cliff's books are not available in any good book shops. The Mittens cannot accept any responsibilty for any flanges adversely affected by any form of dog-coaxing device or implement.